please, don't smother me with your belligerant baggering.

*I'm sorry, but this post is completely horrible. I wrote this out of anger. Please excuse grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.

Are people really that oblivious? Disrespectful? Unprofessional?

I'm completely appalled at this horrific truth that seems to tainting this completely absurd generation. People have lost morals, ideals, or just a general basis of respect for the opposite party simply because they are looking out for themselves.

I'm in awe.

At this point, I'm probably just venting, but I feel like this is a topic that needs to be expressed.

I consider myself a fairly dedicated student. To be told otherwise completely ruins my entire persona. And I have certainly been told otherwise, whether its a direct statement or an implied expression of this "lacking dedication."

I've been told by my mother, my father, and now, to my utmost surprise, my own peers that I'm lacking diligence when it comes to education.

First of all, I will not be TOLD what I am or what I am lacking. No one, whether it's my parents or my peers, will tell ME what I am or am not or what I can or cannot do. It is no one's position to tell me what is wrong with me.

I am the only person that can judge myself. I am the only one that holds that right. I control my own actions and my own state of being.

Second of all, who the hell to people think they are to tell me what I should be doing? To tell me what I'm doing wrong, and not even consider my situation?

Please don't smother me with crap simply because you feel that you were treated unfairly, unjustly, or inadequately. Don't embarrass me because you feel the need that justice needs to be served.

Lastly, don't pretend like nothing is wrong. Don't pretend that I'm the one at fault and that you're the only one that is right. NO.

(Post will be edited and more will be added at a later date)

i'm sorry, but i'm not looking for approval

Why do people feel the need to conform to society's intolerable vision?

They feel as if they really need some sort of "approval" from everyone. The need to fit in...the need to appeal to everyone's five "glorious" senses...

What happened to the longing for everyone to exhibit an individual character? His/her own personality, characteristics, traits? Has that philosophy, or more like a way of life, changed? Did I not get the memo?

I'm lost, confused, puzzled by this horrific truth that has become the basis of our society. People try to fit in and change their entire persona to gain a sense of acceptance just to be classified as the norm in this society.

This year in my English class, I had to write a paper on identity. We had to justify the claim that people can change their entire personality or character and lose sight of their real selves.

For some strange reason, it was one of the hardest things I HAD to write.

I could relate to this topic, which was a scary truth I had to accept. I lost sight of the real me, ever since I was in elementary school.

Elementary school was the worst period of time in my life. For some odd reason, people refused to see the real me. They saw a obnoxiously smart girl, who allegedly and indirectly claimed to be better than everyone else. They refused to see the girl who wanted to get to know everyone in a positive manner, who wanted to lead with a sense of confidence rather than arrogance, and the girl who acted out in hopes to gain stronger friendships.

I felt socially awkward, helpless in all situations, bullied, lonely, and I felt that I had no one to call my real, true friend.

By the time middle school came around, I formulated a "clever" plan. I decided to change my entire persona in hopes to appeal to everyone. I disregarded my aptitude to learn, lost all sense of the word "confidence," and I focused all my time finding out what other people interests were so I could simply become "friends."

I had a lot of friends, but my grades began to suffer, and without noticing, I was losing sight of the real me. I changed the type of music I listened to, the types of clothes I bought, and my entire mindset. Maybe I just had an extreme case of an adjustment disorder, according to my mother, but I honestly think that I was so concerned with pleasing everyone and pleasing myself by not being a "loner" that I lost sight of my true identity.

But the question was if I still had a hint of my old personality left in me. I think I did. But I had to do an extreme search. Was I still confident? Was I still smart? Was I still a little...well, odd?

I was. But the real me was hidden in a locked drawer somewhere in my mind. I had to find it. And once I did, I would let out my true self when high school hit.

For some odd reason, changing my entire persona made it hard for me to change myself back into my original state. I forgot about the "real me" and instead, focused on a new me that was only a combination of everyone else's unique characteristics. It left me at a standstill.

Entering high school, I attempted to let go of all the things that I deemed "anti-me" and got rid of all the things that easily influenced me. It was a long process...but I think now, I'm pretty much how I was in elementary school.

Then why was it so hard for me to write that paper? Maybe it was because I had too much experience with the topic that I didn't want to accidentally share unnecessary information. Maybe it was because I was in some form of denial. Maybe it was because I lacked a certain capability to incorporate my own thoughts and personal experiences into a work that was supposed to be completely hypothetical.

This brings me back to my original point...why must we feel the need to conform?

It's simple. We don't want to be the odd one out. We don't want to be alone all the time, with no friends to share similar interests with. We don't want to be socially awkward, or impermissible when it comes to any form of conversation. We want to feel wanted, loved, and included in anything and everything we do.

Is there anyway this can happen without changing one's entire identity?

Yes. Stop looking for approval. Stop trying to impress or be impressed by other people. When someone exhibits his/her real traits and characteristics, that person should become more likable, or interesting to say the least, just because he/she is different, unique and has their own personal identity.

Being likable shouldn't be based on conformity....it should be based on uniqueness...like every x having a unique y...

It's as simple as Pre-calculus.

is it a conspiracy? political infraction? or am i just a non-believer?

Disclaimer:  I am not an atheist.

I don't know if it's just my age or my fascination in criticizing certain dysfunctional things about this society, but I'm questioning my belief in a "higher power" if you catch my drift.

I consider myself a somewhat spiritual person, but for the past two years, I've really been questioning my faith.

I was never really brought up in a religious environment. My parents both grew up under a strict religious rule. My mom separated from her church when she reached her twenties because she felt that the rules for successfully fulfilling the true religion were too demanding and strict. The point of God was being covered and masked by the rule rather than truly showing faith.

I guess my dad still follows his religion. He's somewhat religious. But he doesn't try to incorporate that same spirituality to me.

Two years ago, I started my high school career at a Catholic high school, where it is mandatory to take religion classes. I was beyond scared. I assumed everyone was already knowledgeable about the Bible and the history of the Catholic Church. To my utmost surprise, many students weren't Catholic, and didn't attend church, just like me.

Throughout my freshman year, I was doing pretty well in my religion class. But with these mediocre grades, questions began to grow in my mind about God. I began to notice some contradictions in the Bible with what my teacher had said during her many lectures.

I wanted to ask questions. I wanted to discuss topics that had relation to the validity of God or the validity of the Bible, better yet, the validity of the Catholic Church.

Every time I asked such question, I was shunned, disregarded, and looked negatively upon by my teacher and even my peers.

Was it wrong to question the validity of God? Was it wrong to wonder about God in general? Is society meant to go along with the status quo rather than ask questions?

I began to despise religion class. My grades began to suffer as well because of this.

I felt as if I was being treated differently just because I refused to just go along with the teachings. With this segregation, my faith began to suffer as well.

Before entering high school, I prayed, usually for personal reasons, but I tried to incorporate other people into my prayers as well. I don't know what happened. Maybe it was my terrible experience with my religion class. Maybe it was my lack of religion as a child was finally setting in.

But for some odd reason, I stopped praying. I stopped being interested in God. I stopped saying "Thank God" or "Bless you" or "Praise the Lord." 

Was my spirituality being deleted? Was I losing my faith?

My grandma is a very religious person. Every time she visits, it's like I'm at a church or something. She's constantly praying, preaching, and reading the Bible. Usually it didn't bother me. But again, I started hating it. It got on my nerves.

And the sad part, my lack of devoutness wasn't my only issue with religion. It became the whole idea of religiosity. I hated the Bible simply because it was just a way for businesses to make money. I loathed extravagant churches. I despised religious books...like self-help books or "How to get closer to God" books.

I thought religion was a conspiracy...or some political scam...a way to make money, a way to advertise something that didn't really apply to everyone, a way for everyone to believe the same thing. It bothered me.

I don't know if my mind has really changed since then. I've become more open to the idea of religion and God and all that stuff, but I still don't pray or consider myself spiritual. I do believe in a higher being, an upper power that controls life on earth...but the whole of idea of God really throws me off-guard.

It's a sad truth that I might grow out of eventually. But right now, I'm confused beyond measure.

Maybe I'm just a non-believer...

Or maybe I'm just a highly confused teen.

admire the one thing we aliens tend to take for granted.

Got space?

I feel like I've covered a similar topic before on this "not-so-thriving" blog of mine.

Well...this is more of an issue pertaining the need for privacy. Everyone needs privacy, whether it be a large amount of privacy or an enormously TINY amount. (Yeah, I confused you with that statement.)

I think I'm more of the person who needs a huge amount of this magnificent thing called "privacy."

So, it bothers me immensely when I have to encounter the same badgering into my personal life on a daily basis by people who have absolutely no sense of the word "privacy."

It's a beautiful word.

P-R-I-V-A-C-Y

Oh. Just wonderful.

If you're the type of person that prefers to be the instigator of such negative acts, I pray that you will find some sense in, what seems to be, a horrifically small brain that God unfortunately blessed you with.

I pray that one day you will realize that people prefer to keep to themselves.

Yes, they may say that they want help. But, really, they don't. They may say that they need "advice," but, in all honesty, they are just lying.

Why do they lie, you might ask.

They want you to feel included and important. They want you to feel a sense of pride and dignity knowing that someone claims to be in dire need of your specific help. They want to see you convey at least a minimum amount of happiness.

Why do they care about your happiness? I honestly do not know.

I should know, though. When I'm feeling sad, bipolar, or any other exaggerated emotion adolescents seem to face because of uncontrollable hormones, people feel the need to involve themselves in my misery.

They ask questions like, "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?" "Are you going to cry?"

I don't want to tell you what's wrong. No, I am not okay. Yes, I'm going to cry now simply because you asked me if I'm going to cry.

While I'm sharing my deepest and highly emotional feelings, while I'm being comforted in the arms of some person that claims to be helpful, and while I'm shedding that dreadful tear, I contemplate whether I could have answered those three simple, yet invasive questions a tad bit differently.

Instead of answering, I could have said "Leave me alone." "Shut up." Or, I could have simply not responded. But no, I chose to take the hard way out, leaving me with explaining my "depression," trying to please everyone elses desire to "help" when I can barely help myself, and feeling more terrible than I did in the first place.

I feel as if people need some sort of self recognition. They help others so they can feel better about themselves. It's selfish. I mean if the point is to help others, why not do so with the kindness of your heart, not for self accomplishment.

I always emphasize the ignorance of people in this awful society, but this isn't ignorance, this is selfishness, and it probably should be classified as abuse.

Abuse? Yes, abuse.

They are abusing their rights. They are abusing the emotional turmoil certain people have to live with.

This abuse could be prevented if we just all gave ourselves the power to embrace the one thing that we aliens tend to take for granted.

PRIVACY.

Again, what a beautiful word.

Embrace it. Live it. Admire it.

Imagine, what would society be with it?

we're prettier and younger but not any better off.

I tend to see the world differently now that I am older. I remember when I was younger, I really never payed any attention to anything. Now, it's as if I'm focusing too much on the little things. It's quite invigorating and annoying at the same time.

I wonder why people do the things they do, I wonder why certain businesses and buildings are called a certain name, and I wonder about the human society, and all its malfunctions. This is sorta why I started this blog. I hoped to share my thoughts about how "dysfunctional" this society really is.

However, in this post, I want to share my thoughts on the younger side of my precarious generation. Believe it or not, my generation is almost to the point where we are becoming the leaders of this society. Yes, we may still be in our teenage years, but soon we'll be graduating college, going on to graduate school, and starting a career.

This is scary. Especially to me. When I was younger, I was so oblivious. I may have thought I knew everything I could about the world, but I certainly didn't. And that's not necessarily my fault. I just hadn't experienced anything yet. 

A younger me wanted to be a planetary scientist or a meteorologist or an astronomer. I was set on that for the longest time. I did summer camps relating to astronomy and the planets, and I loved it. My mother saw that I loved it, and she was right. This was something I knew I wanted to do.

I don't know what happened between elementary school and high school, but my mind changed completely. I went from science to English to history to teacher. I was so confused during my freshman year. People would ask me what I wanted to do, and I couldn't give them an answer.

When I was younger, people were so impressed that I already had my life plan in check. I told them I wanted to work for NASA and go to college at MIT.

Then reality hit. There was probably no way I would get into MIT and a very slim chance that I would work at NASA.

During my sophomore year, English and writing became my new love. I loved writing. It was my way to escape from my confusion. And I was good at it.

English teacher, English professor, author, book editor...

I still wasn't sure.

And my parents weren't necessarily in on my new love. They said there was no money in English. They said I wouldn't be financially happy.

Financially happy? So, money makes society happy? And the sad part is, money is what makes the world go round.

So where does that leave me? Being unhappy with my career choice, but being financially happy? Or, being happy with my job, but being stuck in the dumps?

It's a hard choice. I have less than 2 years to decide.

I wish I was young again. When I just lived and really didn't have to care or worry about anything.

But really, wishing to stay young doesn't really solve anything. I mean, old age is to come eventually.

So, at this point, I won't stress. I'll just wait to see what comes to me.

And maybe then, I'll be a little better off.